Year 30: Last words

It’s been whopper of a year, hasn’t it?

30

Year 30 started like wawuu.

I got the birthday I finally wanted – a weekend birthday with a little money to spend. So I did spend.

Saturday itself, I had been at Tarkwa Bay for logistics, and spent Sunday with my siblings and a few friends there. The canopy, chair, table, ice, drums, ball, etc. all came at a cost… remain small to be pricing the sand on the beach. Loads of laugh, fun… everyone important came… I was so thrilled.

Siblings conspired against me. Party ended in a way that I had not expected it to.

Growth, Trusting, Loving, Livingseedling

I believe so much in spring, you know? The way the seedling breaks through the ground… new life. A reminder of hope. A reminder to live. A reminder to just keep going.

We did the three-month check-up, then the six-month. All was well – I was so very grateful.

I attended Healing School at Church in May.

I was promoted at work, and started to earn more. Some days, I wondered, because the ground I toiled was very hard. Some days, it seemed like I was sinking. October & November had been so hard, 🙂  I’m very grateful for Ope Bakre, particularly on the days I requested, ‘Ope, encourage me’, and she did, continuously, every morning. I’d wake up, pick up my phone and there was always a word of encouragement from her.  It was divine how she always had the exact Word, just the exact Word, which I had needed to carry on for those dark days. Babe, I’m grateful for you.

I’m in a much better place now – all of that hostility is gone, and I am so, so glad. There is joy in working with colleagues that are pleasant.

With September came surprises. I found myself in a role I had never played before 🙂

In Year 30, I also dabbled in waters and got hurt badly. Suffice to close this chapter that it is good to move on with the right regrets only.

Follow your heart, and be sure at the end of the day even if it does not work out that you had given your very best. Choose to live with only the right regrets.

I find myself more grateful for Emma daily. I’m grateful for the lady she is turning into. We are done with secondary school tuition… which reminds me. Her GCE results had near given me palpitations. I hope to teach her that she can be anyone she wants to be, and that she can do anything that she wants to, and that no one is better than she is.

Second Thoughts

I always had them, you know. Always did. But I had been able to keep going on. Mid-February I started to have them again, and it was really huge this time. A huge take-away from Year 30 is that when you are struggling, you should not let anyone coerce you into something you are not ready for.

“You should not let anyone coerce you into anything you are not ready for.”

cfa-opengraph-share-image

Yes, it appears I may be giving up CFA. I paid yet again for Level 2 but will not be writing the exams. It is just too much money going down the drain, so there will be a definite break until I am sure I will be going on.

Loving Me

I learned to accept me. This is me: a Jesus-girl. I love God, and I delight in being in His presence. I don’t enjoy crude jokes, and will only very sparingly use swear words.

I am not a club girl. I did not dig the scene back then, and while I could occasionally go there, it is not a deal-breaker for me.

I don’t like to have a whole crowd around me, but I am one of those who wants a ride-or-die by her side.  I want my mate by my side, facing life together. I am not needy, no but I want a mate by my side, someone in whose companionship and affection I can rest. And by mate, I don’t mean ‘getting married’.

“Choose more to be with your mate, rather than choose to get married”

I hope you can truly see the difference.

I saw Wakaa a few days back. I loved it. That was the same day I cried, you know? I wept before God that morning. I had been hurting so bad. Wakaa is great – you should see it by the way. For a little while, I forgot my pain. And how great it had been.

Into 31

I want to remember 31. I remember me years ago, but some of the years in between seem a void – empty. No personal memories, no successes that I remember. Not that there weren’t – just that I don’t remember them.

See, I want to live.

I want to laugh, I want to love.

I want deep-bellied laughter, and tears streaming down my face.

I want to drink a bottle of beer, without anyone screwing their nose up at me. Or wear tube gowns and dance the afternoon away, just because I can. I want to take trips to the beach, because I love to.

I want to live

I am going to let music in again. Music, and laughter too. No more silence, no more emptiness.

I am going to live life actively, and not allow life happen to me.

Last Words

I acknowledge that not everyone who I had wanted to go on with will be a(n active) part of Year 31. It was great while it lasted.

All of that ‘get married before 30’ is gone. That is really truly one of the most hateful things you can do to yourself – and is a sure-proof way to short-change yourself.

I’ll start writing more. And I’m gonna start an online M.Sc. soon. I don’t know how but I am going to be more involved in doing the work I really want to do. I’ve drawn up a very small to-do list for 31 – 40. I can’t wait to live them.

I cannot wait to live a full life

Thank you for sharing my Year 30 with me. I assure you that 31 will be so much better.

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