I want to be relevant.
I want to go to bed daily, knowing that that I gave the best that I possibly could to resolving all tasks that I have ahead of me. I want to go to bed each night, knowing that I have lived each day to the fullest, that I loved the best I could, that I impacted the best that I could.
I want to be so in love, so completely attuned with a man who loves God, challenges my mind, makes me laugh and is able to laugh at himself, and who listens to me.
I am not all about money. Money is great, but it isn’t a driving force for me. It is a tool to help achieve my dream.
I want to be very emotionally intelligent, able to control how I let my emotions direct me, and channel my energy into positive directions. I do not want to be out of sorts, tossed up and down by the things around me.
Here’s what I am doing:
I am going to Yankari Game Reserve this weekend. I have been out of sorts, critical, getting upset very easily. No space, no time to rejuvenate… I have been reacting and reacting. No refuel, no recharge. I hope to use the time on the road to just breathe, and then play when there. It has been almost 10 years since I travelled long distance by road, and I am thinking all sorts about road travel and near freaking out. I pray for grace.
I am reading a book: 30 Days to Taming Your Emotions by Deborah Smith Pegues. Talks on overcoming critical attitudes, clarifying expectations, the power of a positive perspective amongst others. I have had the book since March 2016, but am just finally getting around to reading it. On my second read, maybe I will go a review for the blog. The book talked about clarifying expectations and how it is essential to practice asking for what I want to prevent living a life of frustration, resentment and continuously thinking ‘when wills/he have a clue’? So, I decided to have a chat with someone who had upset me over the weekend. It did not quite go how I expected it to go, but I am glad I got to talk, and I will continue to do so.
And the book also talks about being mentally strong, which I already know, but need to more actively work on.
I will look for ways to continually improve myself. Like how I am currently in a Project Management field, and so I am taking an eDX course on the Project Management Lifecycle, and I have a PRINCE2 book I am to read. And I went to this Agile Conference at MUSON center, after going to vigil the Friday before and half of the time, I was just dazed. Sleep deprivation was doing me.
I am learning not to compare myself to anyone. By myself, I am enough. Good enough for anyone, good enough for any role. I am making a more conscious effort to guard my space, my peace, my heart. I am learning to speak to myself, and know what voices to hush.
I will deliberately take time to be by myself as I go into relationships again/marriage. I have learned it is essential to have me time. So I will take a weekend off each quarter, take a few minutes in the bathroom occasionally. I will consciously take time to be by myself so I can be whole for those I want to love and reach out to.
I am giving back to Previous Stone Foundations
And I am reaching mine. Kate & Soji are a solid team I can lean on, and I am so, so grateful for them. Here’s Soji’s blog. If manga is your kind of thing, please read on.
Everything seems to be ’30 days’, it seems. 30 days of happiness. 30 Days of weight loss. 30 Days of…. Like we think that life can be completely turned around in 30 days. Then I realize that ‘no, it is just a start’. Change is a continued sprint. You do not change in 30 days or develop a new way of life, or a new way of thinking. It is a continued journey where you hold on to one or more principles from your 30-day book and keep going. Like Alcoholics Anonymous, it seems.